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to be sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody...
      

INTRO
      

Is this a Bhuna?
Or is this a Jalfrezi?
Mixed up my order,
They all look the same to me
Open your gob,
Just swallow a forkful and see.
I'm just a student,
Need something real cheap to eat
Because I'm stoney broke
Not a bean
Don't remember
The menu I've seen
Korma, Saag or Madras
Doesn't really matter to me
To me...
      

VERSE 1
      

Naan-aa, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle, now he's dead.
Naan-aa, dinner just begun
But now I'm going to crap it all away.
      

Naan-aa, ooh-ooh
Didn't mean to make you cry,
Seen nothin' yet just see the loo tomorrow,
Curry on, Curry on,
'cause nothing really madras.
      

VERSE 2
      

Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers up my spine
Rectum aching all the time.
Goodbye every bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use loo.
Naan-aa, ooh ooh,
This Dopiaza's mild,
Sometimes wish we'd never come here at all.
      

(Guitar Instrumental)
      

MIDDLE 8
      

I see a little chicken tikka on the side,
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh pass the chutney made of mango.
Vindaloo does nicely
Very very spicey
ME!
      

Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani  and a naan
O Vindaloooooooo
(No no no no no non o no no No)
      

I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to a lavatory
Stand well back
This loo is quarantined.
      

Here it comes,
There it goes, technicolor yawn
      

I chunder
No!
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder
It's coming up again
Up again
Here it comes again
Here it comes again
Here it comes again
Here it comes again
      

This vindaloo is about to wreck my guts
Poor me... Poor me... Poor me!
      

(guitar break)
      

So you think you can chunder and think it's alright?
So you think you can eat curry and drink all night?
Ohh maybe, now you'll puke like a baby,
Just had to come out, Just had to come right out in here....
      

CODA
      

Korma, saag or bhuna,
Balti, naan or bhaji
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference To me...
Anyway my wind blows
      

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